Why are more couples deciding to end their relationship or marriage later in life?

There can be numerous reasons and every situation is unique. However, many couples are more independent nowadays and often have careers and finances that allow them those choices. Data from Statistics New Zealand states nearly 40% of divorces involved people over 50 years of age.

Some of the more common reasons why couples may decide to end their long-term marriage:

• Couples have become empty nesters after children have left home and may not enjoy each other’s company as much as they used to and spending more time together is increasingly difficult.
• COVID saw a spike in separations as people stated they didn’t like being around their partner full-time, leading to the realisation that this could be the case for many years.
• Retirement can also be a trigger if one suddenly becomes reliant on the other for fun, life, and generally managing the home admin. Resentment can set in for the other spouse, now organising for a dependent.
• Couples may have become so independent with different interests, friends, and hobbies that there doesn’t appear to be much in common.
• Through the many years of life together, changes are inevitable.  Some of the things that can affect your relationship could be careers, health, family issues, and financial issues to name a few. If these aren’t worked through properly, they can drain the emotional tank and when there isn’t a lot left to rekindle the flame, it becomes exhausted.
• Getting older can also be a wake-up call about:
  • How many summers do I have left?
  • Do I want to spend the rest of my days with you?
  • Am I living my best life?
  • Am I the best version of myself?

How can a Divorce Coach help you in the early stages of deciding whether to stay or go?

Seeing a client early in this process can be so advantageous. Nothing is more satisfying for a coach; to help you find the right choices so you can try to resolve your issues and perhaps find new ways forward to bring back the love and richness you once had together. Sometimes time with a skilled counsellor could be the solution.

Finding the right information about what makes a happy relationship, what is missing for you in your relationship, and are the fundamentals of your marriage intact are important elements. Coaching can provide you with a skillset that enables you to work on the things that may need to change.

It’s important to be in a safe space when considering all your options. This allows for you to look forward and test the waters with some reality-checking to ensure you are making these decisions with your feet grounded.

Decisions made when you feel safe and you are not rushed will often guide you well. You will be clear about your intentions, more confident about your decisions, and have realistic clarity.

Knowledge creates calm.

Whether the client turning up is the instigator of this decision or the receiver of the news, both can be very traumatic and cause emotional turmoil.

The Instigator may have sat on these emotions for years. Guilt about wanting more, what will people think, am I being selfish, I haven’t been able to communicate my unhappiness, and how will my family feel about my decision are examples of some feelings.

If the news is sudden, fear is a huge emotion. Finances, loneliness, starting over, and how do I deal with this conflict. All these emotions can be worked through on a 1:1 basis.

Depending on your needs and requirements, I have access to a range of resources and skilled professionals such as lawyers, mediators, and financial advisors that can be instrumental in helping you work through anything you may need.

If a client does decide to make the break, for many this can be liberating. A chance to start over and the beginning of something new. A chance to be “your best self”. If your approach is with clarity and confidence, there is every chance this can happen with as little collateral damage as possible.

If you would like to chat with me about your relationship or marriage later in life, please schedule your complimentary 30-minute consultation.